it's cold, it's dark, it's cursed...


It all starts without warning, a loved one or trusted authority thrusts a sharp dagger slicing deep into the child's innocent heart shattering its safe world of love with betrayal. A reflex pulls the heart away as the first painful emotion brings a fear of death and insecurity. Stunned in disbelief the child's mind scrambles to make sense of the puncture the heart has just sustained. Confused and unable to comprehend the assault, the child accepts full responsibility. Year after year the pattern continues, as trust becomes a distant memory.

Deep within solitude and far from discovery the mirror of the buried heart reflects failure and loneliness. The mind caught off guard responds with a legion of proof the inner voice is a lie. As time passes and silent to all others, the heart's once small whisper increases to a scream the mind can not suppress. Plunging into a darkness of conviction and despair a knowing of the failure permeates the body. Shocked by the inner betrayal, a rage is created that will not relent. Over and over you seek for the one to blame, but none can be found. Through desperate fear the mind has the solution. You are the one to blame.

The now silent heart slowly dies unaware of its gradual fate as despair trickles into the cold voids where the dream once lived. Day after day the darkness kills thoughts before they transform into action bringing a paralysis to life. Moving deeper and deeper into hopelessness, the childhood dream no longer exists. Replaced with a cold hatred that the song of lies was ever heard. Death is the only escape and love is a lie.

they are just waiting for me to die...


December 15, 2008
It's Been Ages...
Posted at 05:27 AM

To tell you the truth... I really don't want to see this blog. It reminded me everything of my past, including my argument with the creator of tabulas. But the irony of the situation is that when my girlfriend (my present girlfriend, not the wh@r3s ) needed some outlet for her frustration in her previous job, i'd let her use this.

Anyway fastforward to now, i took a peek at this blog and I laughed when I missed a post... her post. It really made me laughed... haha smiley-laughing.gif.

Now I made it sticky, so that if someone (I wonder who can that be) accidentally made it to my blog, I'm proud to say that's my girlfriend and my future wife. smiley-wink.gif

I've been to a lot of pain and suffering... but because of those things I saw the real side of most peoples... dark side of them... and they say I'm dark.

And yes, I'm not dark, i'm cool smiley-cool.gif

And please ignore all of my posts including my bye post... I didn't say I'll return to tabulas but that doesn't mean i won't post here if i feel to... although my whole blog is in total shamble, I don't know anything about layouting and most of my layout makers are my... "so-called friends." I'm still looking for a better blog, it doesn't need to be famous, as long as the user has the freedom to do what he/she wants without restriction... of course what I meant was legal rights, nothing illegal smiley-smile.gif

To all who posted their comments on all of my posts in my entire stay here in tabulas, I humbly thank you from my heart.

I know it's late, but late's better than never... and I'm a master of that smiley-wink.gif

See you all!







This is a stickied, favorite post.October 15, 2007
I'm not as dark as you think anymore..
Posted at 08:01 AM

buhay na ko.. actually,, i'm akito's girlfriend.. pinabukas niya saken to and sabi niya magpost lng daw ako ng gusto ko kaya eto..

 

he's not as dark as what he was before.. He's a better person now.. he's never been happy.. pano ko alm?.. i know him that much.. We've been together for more than 2 years so i think i know a lot about my future husband.. ☺

 

kaya ngayon,, ignore all his darkest posts here kasi all happy posts na ang gagawin nmen together.. we'll now share this account..

I just wanna say something sa mga epal na ex ni akito:

I hate you all! lalo ka na!(you know who you are!)

dahil you are the friekin reason kung baket naging sobrang gloomy ang buhay niya after you left him.. by the way, he wasn't sad because he missed you, he was sad because you didn't return his anime stuffs!!

Ngayon, sobrang sya n nya dahil wala kn! haha!

 

sorry for this kinds of language that  i used.. naiinis lng ako pag naalala ko ung gnawa niya kay akito bago kmi magkakilala..  

 

by the way. papakilala nga pla ko,. I'm jek.. future wife ni akito,(gokou)..☺I'm not really into anime and techie stuffs or whatever,,(hindi talga ko marunong ng HTML!! hahah) ako ay isang simpleng tutor lamang.. ^_^

thanks for reading this.. if you wanna say something, just  make a comment..

 

nga pla, malapit na bday namen! hehe bukas na! magkabday kc kmi! galing talaga! ^_^ 







This is a stickied, favorite post.
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The Jyunishi God


Name: Gerard
Nicks: Son_Gokou, Sohma_Akito, Souichirou_Arima
Status: In a relationship
Likes: Writing and Reading Fanfics, Manga Scans
Hates: Ragnarok Online, PGMA, Liars, Double-Timers, Traitors

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