it's cold, it's dark, it's cursed...


It all starts without warning, a loved one or trusted authority thrusts a sharp dagger slicing deep into the child's innocent heart shattering its safe world of love with betrayal. A reflex pulls the heart away as the first painful emotion brings a fear of death and insecurity. Stunned in disbelief the child's mind scrambles to make sense of the puncture the heart has just sustained. Confused and unable to comprehend the assault, the child accepts full responsibility. Year after year the pattern continues, as trust becomes a distant memory.

Deep within solitude and far from discovery the mirror of the buried heart reflects failure and loneliness. The mind caught off guard responds with a legion of proof the inner voice is a lie. As time passes and silent to all others, the heart's once small whisper increases to a scream the mind can not suppress. Plunging into a darkness of conviction and despair a knowing of the failure permeates the body. Shocked by the inner betrayal, a rage is created that will not relent. Over and over you seek for the one to blame, but none can be found. Through desperate fear the mind has the solution. You are the one to blame.

The now silent heart slowly dies unaware of its gradual fate as despair trickles into the cold voids where the dream once lived. Day after day the darkness kills thoughts before they transform into action bringing a paralysis to life. Moving deeper and deeper into hopelessness, the childhood dream no longer exists. Replaced with a cold hatred that the song of lies was ever heard. Death is the only escape and love is a lie.

they are just waiting for me to die...


Entries for February, 2004

February 3, 2004
I'm officially dead!
Posted at 01:05 PM

A Short Quiz!



You Are Like Arima Soichiro!

Take The Kare Kano Quiz
Made By Melanie


------------------------------------


hm... just as the title as said.. i'm officiall dead... rip since the day i can't go online

i didn't know my problem with my internet's worse than i expected...

i won't emphasize it here.. as i remember more... the more i hated destiny for it... and come to think of it.. i'm a loyal cable internet subscriber for 3 years!!!!

damn... oh well... the only thing i can do.. is either... get a phoneline.. switch to dsl or dial-up... or have destiny reconsider my case...

grr...

*throws the bad aura aside

as for the good part... my week's pretty good excluding my internet-diet part...

monday-thursday = same as usual... skul and talk to hon

friday = went to Yoj's debut... it was fun! of course i was with hon all the time so it's even more interesting... fun fun fun!

saturday... went late at eb coz of some school stuffs... then hone came later.. we spent overnight together (me and hon) at dawn's house... weee another memorable experience...

sunday.... was with hon most of the time... fun fun fun!

and the rest of the day's dull... except that we talk to each other...

i miss you all guys... i miss #waa and #geneiryodan

thanks to all the people who visited, posted their comments and tagged at the tagboard...really.. thank you

have fun y'all!

i'll be alive again... in due time...

Take Care y'all!

I Love You Elena

Message of the day: "I can be happy every day if I can stay with you" -Souichirou Arima(Kare Kano)

oh yeah... my latest obesession... Kareshi Kanojyo no Jijyo or popularly known as Kare Kano











evanescence's bring me to life






February 6, 2004
Joey's survey
Posted at 08:04 AM

i got this from Joey's Blog

1) Using band names, spell out your first name:

i don't know much bout western music so.. sorry Oo;;;

2) Have you ever had a song written about you?

i dunno

3) What song makes you cry?

i forgot Oo;

4) What song makes you happy?

too many to mention

5) What do you like to listen to before bed?

any classical/instrumental song

6) Name a song you like:

too many to mention

7) Who was/were your idols when you were younger?

can't seem to remember...sorry Oo;

8) First album you ever bought?

Lion King OST Oo;;;;;;;;;;;

9) Name a song that reminds you of someone and
why:

hmm... none? or i can't seem to remember

a p p e a r a n c e

HEIGHT: 5'6"-5'7".
HAIR COLOR: blackish brown.
SKIN COLOR: light.
EYE COLOR: dark brown.
PIERCINGS: none.
TATTOOS: none.

r i g h t n o w

WHAT COLOR PANTS ARE YOU WEARING?: blue.
WHAT SONG ARE YOU LISTENING TO?: none.
WHAT TASTE IS IN YOUR MOUTH?: none.
WHAT'S THE WEATHER LIKE?: sunny.
HOW ARE YOU? fine, thank you.

d o y o u

GET MOTION SICKNESS?: not really.
HAVE A BAD HABIT?: insomnia.
GET ALONG WITH YOUR PARENTS?: good.
LIKE TO DRIVE?: sure... give me a car Oo;

f a v o r i t e s

TV SHOW: Yugioh.
CONDITIONER: none.
BOOK: haven't read anything this days.
MAGAZINE: Gaming mags.
NON-ALCOHOLIC DRINK: sprite, pepsi blue, lemon juice.
ALCOHOLIC DRINK: i don't drink.
THING TO DO ON THE WEEKEND: eb at mega, meet hon.
BAND/S: not much into western music... in jrock.. L Arc En Ciel

h a v e y o u

BROKEN THE LAW: yeah, mistaken.
RAN AWAY FROM HOME: not yet.
SNUCK OUT OF THE HOUSE: yeah i think.
EVER GONE SKINNY DIPPING: nope.
MADE A PRANK PHONE CALL: i don't have a phone.
EVER TIPPED OVER A PORTA POTTY: what's a porta potty? Oo;.
USED YOUR PARENTS' CREDIT CARD BEFORE: nope... i know how hard it is to pay bills
SKIPPED SCHOOL BEFORE: yeah.
FELL ASLEEP IN THE SHOWER/BATH: yeah
BEEN IN A SCHOOL PLAY: yeah
LET A FRIEND CRY ON YOUR SHOULDER: hm... i dunno.. yeah i think

o t h e r s

BOYFRIEND: nope.. not in a million years
GIRLFRIEND: YEAH! and her name's Elena
SEXUALITY: 100% Male physically, and emotionally
CHILDREN: none...
CURRENT CRUSH: Elena.
BEEN IN LOVE?: YEAH!!!!!
HAD A HARD TIME GETTING OVER SOMEONE: yeah i guess
BEEN HURT?: physically... sorta, emotionally... yeah
YOUR GREATEST REGRET: being lazy and spoiled when i was a kid
GONE OUT WITH A SOMEONE YOU ONLY KNEW FOR THREE
DAYS: nope...

r a n d o m

DO YOU HAVE A JOB: once.
YOUR CD PLAYER HAS IN IT RIGHT NOW: none
IF YOU WERE A CRAYON, WHAT COLOR WOULD YOU BE?: dark/navy blue
WHAT MAKES YOU HAPPY?: hon.
WHO MAKES YOU THE HAPPIEST?: hon.
WHAT'S THE NEXT CD YOU'RE GONNA GET?: i dunno
WHO DO YOU CONSIDER A REALLY GOOD FRIEND?: close friends
WHAT DO YOU LIKE TO DO?: go somewhere

w h e n / w h a t w a s t h e l a s t
TIME YOU CRIED?: can't seem to remember.
YOU GOT A REAL LETTER?: yeah, although it was a long time ago.
YOU GOT E-MAIL: yeah, 24 hours 7 days, 12 months.
THING YOU PURCHASED: none...
TV PROGRAM YOU WATCHED: some chinese movie.
MOVIE YOU SAW AT THE THEATER: can't seem to remember, i don't watch movies frequently.

y o u r t h o u g h t s o n
ABORTION: stupid
TEENAGE SMOKING: smoking is bad for your health, and your looks.
SPICE GIRLS: sila ba yung namimigay ng paminta sa mga restaurant? err nvm Oo;
DREAMS: rarely but... if i do have one.. some scenes bout the future...seriously.

whew...~








February 6, 2004
Mirror
Posted at 12:44 PM

haha... i'm too lazy to post.. but still.. here i go...

there's not much to say for this week.. although i met up with hon last wednesday...

if you want the complete details.. go to her blog.

besides that.. still dead...

hm after reading her post.. i realized a fact...

we're the same..yet different in some ways... we're like a mirror to each other.. like a mirror.. they look the same.. feel the same... but total opposites in some way.. like in the mirror.. your left is the mirror's right and vice versa...

in relation to me and hon... we're the same.. but we're different in some ways.. some of her views are opposites...

but still.. i'm happy at that... i'm happy i have her.. so.. who am i to complain? and i'm not complaining btw...

hm.. oh well.. i'm still here at school.. gonna leave after a short while... gonna meet up with her again... we're beggining to miss each other more and more.. which is good...

anyway besides that... i'm still dead...

Take care all!

oh yeah...

Happy 3rd Monthsary!!!!!

I love you Elena












February 11, 2004
I'm Living in a Brighter World
Posted at 12:31 PM

hehe la ako maisip na ilagay.. kulang ako sa tulog.. but i really must post something.. bihira na nga ako magonline

let's see... saturday... kasama ko si hon.. pero maaga sya umuwi dahil may pupuntahan pa sila..

sunday.. tulog buong gabi

monday... nagpunta si hon sa bahay.. wee ala lang.. another memorable experience...

tuesday... overslept.. so di ako nakapasok

wednesday.. kulang sa tulog kasi abnormal sleep sked ko then magkikita ulit kami ni hon mamaya!

wee ala lang

oh yeah.. thanks to all who visited this blog, to those who post at the comments section and to those who tagged at my tagboard...thanks guys!/gals!

and to all who wish to add me to their friends, please do.. i'll try to add you back if i'm online.. i don't have any internet connection at home so i won't go online that much... but if i go online.. i'll add you.. thanks again

hm... hon gave me a letter.. and i was touched by the writings at that letter... hehe i really found what i'm looking for....

for more details.. read hon's blog

I Love You Elena...

"Now that i have you i'm alive."

we both can relate to this song.. so i guess i'll put the lyrics here...

NOW THAT I HAVE YOU
The Company


All my life it seemed
That something had been missing
I didn't know what to do
Days would pass me by
Each as lonely as the other
Until I met you


REFRAIN:
You opened the door
And let the sunshine in
My life will never be the same again


CHORUS:
Now that I have you
Everything just seems so right
Now that I have you I'm alive
You are the song that I'll be
Singing my whole life through
I'm living in a brighter world
Now that I have you

Looking ahead I see
The two of us together
I'll never let you go
You're so dear to me
And it isn't any wonder
Why I love you so


REFRAIN:
You opened the door
And let the sunshine in
My life will never be the same again


CHORUS:
Now that I have you
Everything just seems so right
Now that I have you I'm alive
You are the song that I'll be
Singing my whole life through
I'm living in a brighter world
Now that I have you


BRIDGE:
I feel this love is real
I see it in your eyes
You take my hand and I understand
You are mine
You are mine


CHORUS:
Now that I have you
Everything just seems so right
Now that I have you I'm alive
You are the song that I'll be
Singing my whole life through
I'm living in a brighter world
Now that I have you
















The Company's Now That I Have You






The Jyunishi God


Name: Gerard
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