it's cold, it's dark, it's cursed...


It all starts without warning, a loved one or trusted authority thrusts a sharp dagger slicing deep into the child's innocent heart shattering its safe world of love with betrayal. A reflex pulls the heart away as the first painful emotion brings a fear of death and insecurity. Stunned in disbelief the child's mind scrambles to make sense of the puncture the heart has just sustained. Confused and unable to comprehend the assault, the child accepts full responsibility. Year after year the pattern continues, as trust becomes a distant memory.

Deep within solitude and far from discovery the mirror of the buried heart reflects failure and loneliness. The mind caught off guard responds with a legion of proof the inner voice is a lie. As time passes and silent to all others, the heart's once small whisper increases to a scream the mind can not suppress. Plunging into a darkness of conviction and despair a knowing of the failure permeates the body. Shocked by the inner betrayal, a rage is created that will not relent. Over and over you seek for the one to blame, but none can be found. Through desperate fear the mind has the solution. You are the one to blame.

The now silent heart slowly dies unaware of its gradual fate as despair trickles into the cold voids where the dream once lived. Day after day the darkness kills thoughts before they transform into action bringing a paralysis to life. Moving deeper and deeper into hopelessness, the childhood dream no longer exists. Replaced with a cold hatred that the song of lies was ever heard. Death is the only escape and love is a lie.

they are just waiting for me to die...


Entries for August, 2004

August 3, 2004
Something Worth Remembering
Posted at 05:46 AM

sorry for the lack of updates here, it's kinda a long story...

Hon visited me earlier... i sure missed her, it's been 2 weeks since we last met..

i'm supposed to post the entire details of the day here but... i'm really sleepy... i fell asleep several times in the front of the pc earlier. head kinda hurts...and i guess...nakatulog si Hon hehe it's ok though, she's really tired

so i'll post it later...

till then...

the owner of this blog loves a girl named Elena

end.








August 6, 2004
Walking Hand in Hand
Posted at 03:39 AM

hm... this entry was supposed to be posted 2 days ago? but the other day tabulas went down and yesterday... i fell asleep while waiting for hon...

hm... i'm kinda lazy to go detail by detail...so i'll just summarized it.. or you want a near-detailed post... go to Hon's blog

yesterday was fun... in fact...haven't had that much fun since... secret

we haven't go out way too often... i think the last time we went to some sort of a date is...either may or early 2004...

hm i think that's all for now... i'm kinda lazy posting... like i said....for more info.. go to my Hon's blog

oh yeah...before anything else...

HAPPY 9TH MONTHSARY TO MY CHICHI, MIZUHO, YUKINO, ANZU AND FUUKO OF MY LIFE! MY DEAR HON ELENA
we've been in a long road... and it was not a smooth ride... but i'm lucky to have her in my life while going to that road... and we'll continue even if we reach the end of the road..

hehe

sorry if this is somewhat a short post...

till next time...

the owner of this blog still and always love his hon Elena

end.

"For richer or poorer, in sickness or in health, till death do us part..."








August 7, 2004
Survey Wars
Posted at 01:51 AM

first part of the survey wars trilogy...lol

1. Your name spelled backwards.
- gerard = drareg
2. Where were your parents born?
- mom = pampanga, dad = pangasinan
3. What is the last thing you downloaded onto
your computer?
- mp3
4. What is your favorite restaurant? -
- hm...max?
5. Last time you swam in a pool?
- a long time ago
6. Have you ever been in a school play?
- yeah
7. How many kids do you want?
- 2-3
8. Type of music you DISLIKE most?
- heavy rock and rap
9. Are you registered to vote?
- yeah, just voted last presidential election
10. Do you have a car?
- nope
11. Do you like rollercoasters?
- not really, i want to try riding one though
12. Ever prank call anybody?
- nope
13. Do you eat isaw?
- hm yeah, if i have to
14. Would you go bungee jumping or sky diving?
- a whole day with hon is way better than those 2
15. Are you shy?
- hm i guess
16. Do you think you're popular?
- i dunno
17. What's the size of your bed?
- single, used to be double
18. Do you really know all the words to your
national anthem?
- yeah... who doesn't?
19. Bath or Shower?
- either will do
20. Best movie you've seen in the past 4
months?
- spider man 2
21. What's the next movie you want to see?
- none at the moment
22. Chips or popcorn?
- both!
23. Have you ever broken any1s heart?
- i dunno
24. Premarital sex?
- is a dangerous thing
25. Are you a good cook?
- unfortunately nope
26. Orange or Apple juice?
- lemon XD
27. Who was the last person you went out to
dinner with and where did you go to?
- hm went out with hon last wednesday, it's not necessarily a dinner but i think it counts... if not... early 2004 i guess
28. fave drink?
- lemon, ponkan, mango for juices. pepsi blue, sprite, 7up, mountain dew for softdrinks
29. Best thing in the world?
- to be with someone you can trust your life with...and that would be Hon
30. Have you ever broken a bone?
- nope
31. Have you ever won a trophY?
- nope
32. What is your favorite board game?
- monopoly, chess
33. What is your dream car?
- bmw
34. Do you have a bf/gf?
- yeah
35. Do you still love your ex?
- nope
36. Have you ever had to wear a uniform to
work?
- yeah
37. Last thing you bought at a pharmacy?
- ponstan
38. Who are you going to marry?
- Elena Ngo
39. Who would you like to meet?
- Akira Toriyama
40. Do you believe in love at first sight?
- hm yeah, but it takes time for the love to mature
41. Whats your favorite song right now?
- Obsession by See-Saw, opening of .hack//SIGN
42. Where would you go for a romantic evening?
- near the sea preferably the beach or a high place, or just anywhere as long as we're alone
43. How many pairs of shoes do you own?
- 2
44. Last song stuck in your head?
- Obsession
45. Any pets?
- none
46. hatest Local TV show as of the moment?
- Star Circle Quest
47. What is one thing you would like to learn to
do?
- html and anything bout making a website/layout either manually or using a program like dreamweaver, drive, even swim if i still can
48. What do you do when you are bored?
- tabulas, friendster, mail, chat, downloading mp3s and pics
49. How would you want someone to appreciate
you?
- to understand why i'm me
50. What is one thing you are grateful for today!
- that i have someone who can trust my life and that she's happy... and of course... that my family and her family's safe too

to be continued...






August 7, 2004
Survey Strikes Back
Posted at 02:03 AM

after they were defeated, the survey empire launch their 2 secret weapon!

.:what type of guy/GIRL are you?:.

1. moody?
~ most of the times

2. papansin?
~ sometimes

3. duwag sa dilim?
~ nope, not really

4. warfreak?
~ nope

5. chinit(o/a), mestis(o/a), or moren(o/a)?
~ chinito

6. patapon?
~ hell no?

7. materialistic?
~ nope

8. choosy?
~ sometimes

9. sweet?
~ ask Hon? XD

10. corny?
~ lol yeah, i'm a poor comedian

11. mapagmura?
~ nope

12. mataba?
~ i think so

13. alcoholic?
~ hell no

14. makulit?
~ sometimes

15. pinoy?
~ yeah

16. matakaw?
~ hm yeah? XD

17. jologs?
~ another hell no

18. sikat?
~ i dunno

19. stirero?
~ nope

20. cute?
~ ask Hon for that too XD

.:what type of GUY/girl do you like:.

1. cute?
~ not really

2. sweet?
~ hm yeah

3. macho/sexy?
~ chubby? XD

4. understanding?
~ yeah

5. madalas mag paramdam?
~ yeah

6. virgin?
~ hm...yeah

7. younger or older syo?
~ age doesn't matter, but younger's better

8. wild?
~ not really

9. party boy/girl?
~ nope

10. masungit?
~ *looks at hon..hehe jk... not really

12. jealous?
~ yeah!!!!! XD

13. chinit(o/a), mestis(o/a), or moren(o/a)?
~ chinita...like Hon XD

14. matangkad sayo?
~ not really, but Hon's kinda taller than me...so it really doesn't matter

15. mayaman?
~ nope

16. galante?
~ nope

17. mushy?
~ yeah

18. matured or prang bata type of guy/girl?
~ prang bata...like si HoN!!! XD

19. maraming kilalang guys/girls?
~ i would like to say no... but it really doesn't matter

20. kamukha mo?
~ hm if possible? like Hon? XD






August 7, 2004
The Return of the Surveys
Posted at 03:56 AM

the last part...and the master comes back...lol

Y O U R...
x. name: Gerard
x. birthday 10.06.198*
x. nationality: Filipino
x. school: STI
x. piercings: none
x. tattoos: none
x. height: 5'6 or 5'7
x. shoe size: 9
x. pet/s: none

L A S T...
x. movie you watched: last was spiderman 2
x. song you listened to: Realize, a Gundam Seed opening song
x. song you had stuck in your head: Obsession
x. person you've called: my hon Elena
x. person that called you: Elena
x. person you talked to online: Elena, Deacs
x. time you took pictures: time immemorial
x. person you were thinking of: kelangan pa ba immemorize yan? XD Elena
x. you have a bf or gf: yeah
x. you have a crush on someone: does Elena count?
x. you wish you could live somewhere
else: near Hon or preferably with Hon
x. you believe in online dating : nope
x. you want more piercings: not in this life
x. you like cleaning : not really, if it's just needed though
x. you write in cursive or print : print

C H O O S E O N E...
x. black/white: white
x. morning/night: night
x. pool/jacuzzi: pool
x. britney/christina: cristina
x. sunlight/moonlight: moonlight

F A V O R I T E...
x. food : any chicken dish preferably Chicken Curry, Chocolate
x. color: blue, white, red, black
x. number: 16
x. song: too many to mention
x. thing to do: internet! talking to hon, eating and i guess sleeping?
x. candy: halls
x. drink: lemon, ponkan and mango for juices. pepsi blue, sprite, 711 and mountain dew for softdrinks
x. movie : the one
x. holiday : christmas, my bday and Hon's bday. and of course our anniversary
x. shampoo do you use : sunsilk and palmolive
x. perfume/cologne do you use: bench
x.who are you scared of: Hon? XD the unknown

N U M B E R...
x. of times you have had your heart broken: no comment
x. of hearts you have broken? : i dunno
x. of continents you have lived in? : 1
x. of people you would classify as true
friends: 4-5
x. of people you consider as enemies?: lost count
x. of things in your past that you regret?: past is past and it's no use dwelling in it so... no comment

W H A T P O P S I N Y O U R H E A D..
x. banana: monkey
x. backstreet boys: boybands?
x. fingers: an important thing
x. parrot: hm..pirate?
x. coconut: coconut juice
x. green: gon freecs
x. red: Hon
x. money: evil
x. knife: kitchen or the resident evil game
x. giraffes: safari
x. cats: tonet and shampoo
x. tissue: joy?
x. snow: Hon and winter
x. water: bath
x. fire: Recca
x. wind: Hon
x. earth: planet
x. ice: rimururu and tokiya
x. sender: kadsuki? XD

-------------------------------------


sorry bout that, i'm not myself i guess... when everything was going great...something happens... maybe i'm just an idiot?






August 8, 2004
Spell Quiz?
Posted at 03:49 AM

wind
Fei Lian

The Chinese god of the wind, which he carries in a
bag. He is a trouble-stirrer, but he is kept in
check by Shen Yi, the heavenly archer.


Which Chinese Mythological Being Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

Wind? *looks at Hon...



moogle result
You're a Moogle! This particular FF creature is rather helpful, as they let you save and use tent. This love getting mail and of course, Kupo Nuts. they've been around almost as long as the Chocobo. Kupo!


What Cute Final Fantasy Creature Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

Kupo!







August 16, 2004
News Flash!
Posted at 02:51 AM

hehe. you're eyes are not deceiving you, this is a post here.. update at last. sorry for the lack of posts, i was sick for about a week, basic case of flu.. must be the weather.. even Hon's was sick.. hm..

well that's one of the reason, the other reason is... i dunno what to type here, kinda lazy i guess...

hm.. i'm still alive despite my latest probs... been and still going through hell... but i can manage, thanks to Hon

we're fine too, going strong actually... never thought we'll become like this... i can say that our relationship's super strong this time...

on other notes, there are some surprising things happened during this whole month... oh well

i don't want to say much.. but i guess.. good luck to them

i created several blogs outside tabulas, maybe because tabulas' down most of the time, but none of them are active at the moment unlike here... and i have no plan on leaving tabulas unlike some people i know, to me tabulas is still the best blog site in the whole internet ever...

and another thing, i created 2 new blogrings, they are Angst Inc and dothack. Angst inc is for the people who are angsty and are synonymous to the word Angst and of course DotHack is for the fans of .hack//SIGN, .hack//LUMINALITY, .hack/DUSK (Legend of the Twillight's Bracelet) and the .hack ps2 games. i'm kinda obsessed in .hack//SIGN now . You can join if you want to

well.. i guess that's all for now, sorry for this boring post

and thanks to the people who always drop by, tag and even comment... thanks so much

till then...

Gerard loves Elena so much!

end.


si Hon!!! XD

Fuuko Kirisawa of Flame of Recca here looks like Anzu Masaki of Yugioh, and both of them reminds me of Hon! They're so kirei...like Hon

You're Under Arrest - Love Somebody (2nd op)






August 19, 2004
The Autumn Wind
Posted at 04:56 AM

i should have posted this yesterday but i kinda forgot, so i guess it's now or never... i'll just summarize the 2 days, i'm kinda tired, sleepy and my body aches...

Tuesday

she overslept but managed to came here in time. usual bonding , i missed it really, well let's just say binawi namin ang mga oras na nawala sa akin nung di kami nagkita for about a week

at evening, after eating dinner here and getting the files she needed on my pc, the usual sked, hinatid ko hangang sa kanila but before that, we ate some snacks on the way, well you could say another mini-date

Wednesday

she was supposed to play ro but i guess ro's down because of it's usual maintenance, so she went here instead

we slept throughout the afternoon, we both lacked sleep this past few days, and i guess we both miss that

i slept like a baby, hm maybe because i have an angel sleeping besides me (namely Hon)

we woke up at around 6:30, we both overslept, luckily i slept a few hours before she came earlier so i slept less

on her way home, we talked bout some fun stuffs... things you might hear not from couples but from friends...

hehe anyway sorry if my summary stinks and you may find this post quite senseless.. but quite frankly, i love this past 2 days, it's a great time for me and for Hon..

till then...

Gerard Loves Elena so much!


end.


Subaru and Tsukasa






August 22, 2004
A Survey and a Quiz
Posted at 03:08 AM

Quiz:

Kei Kusanagi
You are Kei ! The sweet shy main character. You
suffer from a sickness that causes you to
"Stop" or go into a coma. So you have
dedicated your life to moving forward. You're
married to Mizuho...lucky you !


Which Onegai Teacher Character are you ?
brought to you by Quizilla

as expected XD

-------------------------------


Survey:

1. sa tingin mo seloso/selosa ka ba?
--> hell yeah! XD

2. pano kung palaging kasama ng gf/bF mo ang mga barkada nya?
--> ok lang, basta mas lamang pa rin yung time nya sa akin

3. pano kung nagpunta kagabi sa bar ang gf/bf mo?
--> ok lang, basta kung may okasyon, di lagi at kilala ko kasama nya

4. nakita mo ang celfone ng gf/bf mo..at puro name ng girlz/boyz ang laman ng phonebuk nya!!!
--> well ano magagawa ko kung sikat sya? basta ba di lovequotes makita ko sa inbox eh

5. nasa mall kayo at nakita mong tumingin si bf/gf sa ibang gaLz/boyz?
--> ok lang, basta makakayanan nya pag kiniliti ko sya

6. may picture sya ng ibang girl/boy sa wallet nya??
--> abay, tatanungin ko kung bakit nasa wallet nya yun... in my opinion, pag may pic ka ng isang tao sa wallet mo, especial na tao yun, so i'll ask her why, unless bes/cousin/relative nya yun

7. nakita mong mGndA ang ex-gf/bf nya??
--> eh so? beauty is on the inside and besides, ang importante eh ako ang mahal nya di yung ex nya

8. nakipag-one nyt stand ang gf/bf mo..pero wala naman daw yun malisya??
--> eh di ulitin pa nya, pero wag syang mag expect na may babalikan pa sya

9. sumama manood ng sine ang gf/bf mo sa ibang gIrl/boy?
--> magagalit ako kung ginawa nya ng walang paalam and i'll ask her why

10. tanungin ulit kita,,sa tingin mo..seloso ka ba??
--> kelangan pa bang imemorize yan? XD

-------------------------------


hehe sorry bout this post, nothing much happened to me this day...been to some problems as always.. but it's kinda normal...

till then...

Gerard loves Elena

end.


Shimizu Takako

Shimizu Takako from Chobits. Her smile reminds me of Hon, they have the same smile






August 28, 2004
Do I Still Exist?
Posted at 05:59 AM

sorry bout the lack of updates or posts here, was sick this past few days...

and.. i dunno if it's lazy or what... i kinda lost interest in blogging, not just here or on the others, but on all of my blogs

but don't worry, i'll tag and comment on other people, here at least..

and i'm quite sure it's not permanent

to all the people who patronize this blog, those who always visit, tagged and posted their comments... Thanks from the bottom of my heart.

till then...

Gerard loves Elena...

end.


Yukino and Arima

See-Saw's Obsession (.hack//SIGN opening)






The Jyunishi God


Name: Gerard
Nicks: Son_Gokou, Sohma_Akito, Souichirou_Arima
Status: In a relationship
Likes: Writing and Reading Fanfics, Manga Scans
Hates: Ragnarok Online, PGMA, Liars, Double-Timers, Traitors

How well do you know me?
take my friendtest: click here

The Sohma House

[+]Home
[+]Profile
[+]Gallery
[+]Archives
[+]Links

Tagboard

your name:

url:

your message:

My Fanlistings


I'm a Dragonball/Z/GT Fan! I'm a Son Goku Fan! I'm a Goku/Chichi Fan!

I'm a Yugioh Fan! I'm a Yugi Mutou Fan! I'm a Yami Yugi Fan!

I'm a Anzu Masaki/Tea Gardner Fan! I'm a Tea Gardner/Yami Yugi Fan! I'm a Yugi Mutou/Tea Gardner/Yami Yugi Fan!

I'm a Kare Kano Fan! I'm a Souichirou Arima Fan! I'm a Arima/Yukino Fan!

I'm a .hack//SIGN Fan! I'm a Tsukasa Fan! I'm a Subaru Fan!

I'm a Chobits Fan! I'm a Shinbo Hiromu Fan! I'm a Shimizu Takako Fan!

I'm a Sumomo Fan! I'm a Shinbo/Shimizu Fan!

I'm a Fruits Basket Fan! I'm a Sohma Akito Fan!

I'm a Mahou Tsukai Tai Fan! I'm a Sae/Takeo Fan!

I'm a Minako Aino/Sailor Venus Fan!

I'm a Ukyo Kuonji Fan!

I'm a X/Alia Fan! I'm a Megaman X Fan!

i'm a Akira Toriyama Fan! i'm a Hironobu Kayegama Fan!

i'm a Loyal Tabulas User!

Credits

Layout Anime Theme: Fruits Basket
Featuring: Sohma Akito
Layout By: Chibiusa
Brushes: Miss M.
Image: Manga Distribution
Site (c) Akito

Advertisement